Where Did The Excitement Go?

by Stephanie on July 15, 2013 · 6 comments

in Heavy Stuff, Inspiration

This summer has been pretty much a loss in the making-progress-on-weight-loss-and-fitness front.  In fact, the whole last year kind of has.  I didn’t really train for the Disney half marathon I ran in January (stupid… ouch) and after I didn’t sign up for any more races (except RAGBRAI).  I was burnt out and the thought of them didn’t get me excited anymore.  Sad camel.

(Real quick… sad camel.  A friend of mine used to say ‘sad panda’ all the time but my emoji app on my phone didn’t have a picture of a panda.  It did have a camel.  Make sense to you?  Good.  But seriously, pandas have a pretty sweet deal.  They live in the jungle, get all the bamboo, they’re all fluffy and people love them, they get tons of hits on YouTube just for sneezing.  Whereas camels are smelly, lumpy, and made to carry heavy loads across the hot desert.  You tell me who’s more sad.)

ANYHOO…

Something I know about myself that I have proven again this year is that if I don’t have a goal (usually an event) I’m not that motivated.  I ran once in China last week.  Including that, I can count on one hand how many times I’ve run since January.  My weight loss is fairly stagnant which sucks because I’m really not happy with where I am right now in that regard.  My fitness level is, well, really low.

I need to get excited again.

I’ve always gotten excited about new events.  About training, planning, and making fancy color-coded, formula-filled spreadsheets.  I pick out the next challenge before the current one is even over because I get so excited.  I try (and sometimes succeed) in talking my friends into these things with me.

So where did the excitement go?

The only explanation I can come up with is that the depression stole it from me.

FUCK THAT.

Being an athlete (albeit a slow one) is a big part of who I am and what I love.  Taking a hiatus was necessary.  Mental and emotional healing has been way more important for the last 18 months.

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That healing isn’t done but I’m doing much better than I was even a few months ago (though that’s hard to see sometimes).  Now I think I need to snap out of it.  I think if I could figure out how to really get excited about an athletic endeavor again it would help me.  I might feel more like myself.  I’d have something I was in total control of (training).  I’d have something to fill more free time and maybe pull me out of the funks I fall into.

I don’t know how exactly to get myself excited for something yet so I welcome any and all crazy, silly, and serious thoughts on that.  But one way or another:

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Any advice to share??

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Kari July 15, 2013 at 2:17 PM

Have you signed up for a new race? I find that a future goals keep me focused. You got this!

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Stephanie July 15, 2013 at 2:34 PM

Not yet. I have one in mind but I’m nervous. What if I don’t follow through? (yeah, the negative self talk demons are rearing their ugly heads!)

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Sarah Scott July 15, 2013 at 4:15 PM

I never knew you did the Disney 1/2 this year, you should have signed up for next year and run with me :) – sadly its sold out now.
You will get your ‘pzazz’ back soon I am sure of that – you can do it :)

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Stephanie July 15, 2013 at 6:31 PM

I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do a destination race next year. But if I’m back to my old, overly-ambitious self by 2015 I want to do the Princess half at Disney World & one of the halfs at Disney Land to get a Coast 2 Coast medal. We’ll make plans for that :)

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Tracy July 20, 2013 at 10:23 PM

The camel is definitely sadder, you’re right!

I totally get the motivation stuff. I joined a gym this week – completely spur of the moment and because of peer pressure. I’m kinda glad I got the push I needed, because (shhh – don’t tell anyone) I’m kinda enjoying it!

You can do this!!!!!

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Stephanie July 29, 2013 at 7:03 PM

It’s awesome that you’re enjoying the gym! And thanks… I hope I can do this :)

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