Every year I seem to need a handful of weeks away from blogging and the internet in general. Time to turn more towards introspection and really think about what is going on and what I want going forward. This past week and a half was one of these times.
I feel like I have stretched myself a little thin. I have all of these plans and goals and things I want to do. I’ve reached a point where thinking about these things does not excite me, it stresses me out. On top of the things in my life I can’t control I don’t need any extra stressors. So I’ve made a decision.
I’m not doing any big races in 2013.
I know that I committed to doing a half Ironman triathlon this August but I’m backing out. It wasn’t an easy decision but I know it is the right one, as is backing out of the half marathon I was going to do this spring. I’m not in very good shape right now and to be honest, my heart and head are not in the training at all. I want to WANT to do these races, not feel like I have to do them. Right now I’m just going through the motions. I know I will be happier and race better when my heart is in it.
This doesn’t mean I will stop exercising. Not by a long shot. I will still be doing RAGBRAI, the week-long bike ride across Iowa, this summer. I may even do a 5k if I feel like it. I plan to continue running and biking. Just not towards a specific goal. I’m going to do whatever exercise I feel like on a given day instead of adhering to a schedule. I’m going to try to find my joy in it again.
I’m also going to scale back my goals. I’m a bit of an obsessive goal setter and I usually have 5-10 at any given time, with only a couple of those being related to training/racing. In an effort to lower my stress further and really accomplish what is most important to me, I’m only going to have one goal for the rest of the year.
Obviously that is not a smart goal, but you get the idea. This goal is integral to everything else I want. I know some of my unhappiness is due to the fact that when my life fell apart 16 months ago, I let myself go. For the first time in possibly my whole life, I am truly unhappy with how I look. So I’m going to change it. I know losing weight will give me back some of my confidence. It will help me feel accomplished. It will help me be much better whenever I decide to start racing again. It will help me feel like me again.
So there you go. Those were the decisions I came to after my 10 days or so of introspection. Now back to your regular programming!