Last month I wrote about a series of once-a-week half marathon training runs that are offered free by a local running club and about my fear of group running. I had concluded that despite my fear, participating in these group runs would be good for me.
Despite making this decision I didn’t make it to any of the first three weeks of the running group. This is mostly because I had a friend from out of town come visit that weekend. We stayed out late and had a blast together and when 7:30 AM came rolling around I was not about to drag myself out of bed. The thing is I could have made it work. My visiting friend is also a new runner and she would have understood. She would have praised my dedication. She would have slept in. I used her as an excuse to back out of someone I knew would be good for me. My friend, my fall girl.
I was frustrated with myself at the time for not following through on something I knew would be good for me. I’m still a little frustrated to be honest but I can’t help but think… maybe I wasn’t ready. Maybe I need to find myself and my motivations in my own running before I step out into that world. I am so new at this that I don’t even know how long I’ll keep doing it. I’d like to say forever but I don’t know. Maybe it’s a fear of commitment. Right now I run the workouts I want to run on the days and at the times that I want to run them. Do I want someone else telling me what to run and having set times for it? Will that structure make me resent running or focus me?
I don’t know when I’ll be ready or how I’ll react to a running club/group running atmosphere, partially because I don’t know what to expect from it. But I’ll get there. And when I go to my first group run I’ll try to burst onto the scene confident and ready. Ready to run. Ready to make new friends. Ready to tackle my fears.