Recognizing “Normal”

by Stephanie on April 24, 2015 · 0 comments

in Heavy Stuff

I experienced something strange this week.  I had this wonderful weekend where I was happy and had fun.  Then Tuesday came and I felt off.  There was nothing really wrong.  I wasn’t badly depressed and nothing really happened to upset me or bring me down.

I was having a really hard time handling it.  I kept saying “what’s wrong with me today?”  I got so worked up that I was in danger of spiraling into a bad place.  Then a friend pointed out that it seemed like nothing was wrong; that it was just a regular, unexciting workday.

Wait… is this normal??

Depression does strange things to a person’s mind.  My sense of what is “normal” seems to have been skewed.  I’ve noticed this in several areas, like mornings.  I attribute any morning struggle to my depression because I had so many times when depression made it impossible for me to get out of bed.   But it isn’t always a symptom.  Lots of people have trouble waking up in the morning.  Lots of people would rather curl back up under the covers.  Isn’t that pretty “normal”?  Didn’t I have days like that pre-depression?  I know I did.

What I felt this week was similar but in regards to my mood.  I’m having more times where I am actually happy (my Colorado vacation, last weekend, etc) so times when I’m not overly happy, but not unhappy either, are confusing.  I think it must be the depression when in fact it might just be what a regular old day feels like.

Depression makes my mood very flat.  That almost seems easier, even though I know it isn’t better.  It’s like I have to relearn how to recognize and deal with life’s regular ups and downs.  I have to allow for a “normal” amount of feeling down or sad or blah without dramatizing it.  I also have to recognize when depression really is affecting me.  

This post is just me thinking aloud, but I can’t be the only person who ever had to deal with this.  I’m figuring it out.  It’s just another part of my journey.

 

  

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