Recognizing “Normal”

by Stephanie on April 24, 2015 · 0 comments

in Heavy Stuff

I experienced something strange this week.  I had this wonderful weekend where I was happy and had fun.  Then Tuesday came and I felt off.  There was nothing really wrong.  I wasn’t badly depressed and nothing really happened to upset me or bring me down.

I was having a really hard time handling it.  I kept saying “what’s wrong with me today?”  I got so worked up that I was in danger of spiraling into a bad place.  Then a friend pointed out that it seemed like nothing was wrong; that it was just a regular, unexciting workday.

Wait… is this normal??

Depression does strange things to a person’s mind.  My sense of what is “normal” seems to have been skewed.  I’ve noticed this in several areas, like mornings.  I attribute any morning struggle to my depression because I had so many times when depression made it impossible for me to get out of bed.   But it isn’t always a symptom.  Lots of people have trouble waking up in the morning.  Lots of people would rather curl back up under the covers.  Isn’t that pretty “normal”?  Didn’t I have days like that pre-depression?  I know I did.

What I felt this week was similar but in regards to my mood.  I’m having more times where I am actually happy (my Colorado vacation, last weekend, etc) so times when I’m not overly happy, but not unhappy either, are confusing.  I think it must be the depression when in fact it might just be what a regular old day feels like.

Depression makes my mood very flat.  That almost seems easier, even though I know it isn’t better.  It’s like I have to relearn how to recognize and deal with life’s regular ups and downs.  I have to allow for a “normal” amount of feeling down or sad or blah without dramatizing it.  I also have to recognize when depression really is affecting me.  

This post is just me thinking aloud, but I can’t be the only person who ever had to deal with this.  I’m figuring it out.  It’s just another part of my journey.




Reading Recently: All The Light We Cannot See & Fragile Things

by Stephanie April 22, 2015

Prompt:  A book with more than 500 pages This book follows the stories of a blind French girl and a German boy who is good with radios through World War II and beyond.  The writing is excellent.  The characters are well-rounded.  The storyline is engaging.  I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book.  It was the kind […]

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Week 3: Racine Ironman 70.3 Training

by Stephanie April 21, 2015

Training is continuing to improve each week.  I’m happy with the workouts I got in last week. On Wednesday I really didn’t want to run.  I promised myself I’d go out for at least five minutes.  I took Dean with me and ended up making it about two miles before I called it a day. […]

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Wonderful Weekend

by Stephanie April 20, 2015

Last weekend was awesome.  It started with me getting up the courage to go to a meetup in an attempt to meet some new people. I was nervous and almost talked myself out of it numerous times. It ended up being great!  I think it’ll be a fun group to continue hanging out with in […]

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Weigh In 5

by Stephanie April 17, 2015

Time for a weigh in!  I said I’d be doing this more frequently and I wasn’t kidding.  I’m tired of half-assing this.  I want to make real progress. More than ten pounds lost!  Excuse me while I do a happy dance… I’m pretty excited to finally have reached some kind of milestone, five months after […]

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Three Things Thursday

by Stephanie April 16, 2015

Just some fun and random sharing today, completely unrelated to training.  We all need a break from that sometimes!   1) My car is out of storage! I just love this car.  Isn’t she gorgeous?  I still can’t believe I splurged and got this two years ago.  I don’t drive it in the winters so […]

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Week 2: Racine Ironman 70.3 Training

by Stephanie April 15, 2015

Week 2 of training was better than the previous week.  That’s all I can really ask for as I continue this journey, to keep improving. Monday is supposed to be a rest day but I had several the week before so I hit up a class at the Y with a friend.  Body Combat is […]

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Reading Recently: Waiting for Godot & Tales of Beedle the Bard

by Stephanie April 9, 2015

Prompt: A play This is called an “absurdist play” and I guess that’s an apt description.  To be honest, I didn’t get it.  It’s about two men who stand by a tree waiting for Godot.  They talk (in circles) and they meet two other men, who appear to be a master and a slave, and […]

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Struggling Tonight

by Stephanie April 9, 2015

Today has been a rough day.  For reasons I won’t go into I’m feeling upset and stressed and all around emotional.  And I want to eat everything in sight. Emotional eating is something I’ve struggled with, especially over the last few years.  I’ve always been a grazer and a volume eater but this is different. […]

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Week 1: Racine Ironman 70.3 Training

by Stephanie April 7, 2015

My first week of training started off well and ended well.  The middle was non-existent. Thursday I was getting ready for company.   Friday I should have run in the morning but I didn’t and then the day got away from me while hanging out with my parents.   Saturday I had a bike ride […]

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